Monday, May 19, 2008

My Dirty Little Geekret, Part...um...next

Hidden Objects games on my computer. I'd like to go to Best Buy and have the Geek Squad add some memory to my laptop, but I'm embarrassed by the number of downloaded games. Usually I download the free hour trial, and if I don't like the game or if I'm feeling parsimonious I don't buy it. But the trial offer is still taking up space.

Hmmm...that's Huntsville up there. I don't have that game yet. 'Scuse me, would you please? I have some important computer stuff to do.

Don't tell the Geeks

Saturday, May 17, 2008

This is really two blogs in one...what a bargain

PART I
We Christians, who are supposed to be generously carrying the name of Christ into all the world, who are supposed to show His Glory through our love and behavior? We stink as customers. We are typically loud and pushy and arrogant and stingy.

The worst place we exhibit this "sanctified" behavior is in a restaurant. We're famous for tipping 5% or less. Sometimes we don't tip at all; instead we'll lovingly leave a tract, because we know the server's soul is worth more than some measly tip. And what better way to share Christ's love than with a clever presentation of the 4 spiritual laws. My favorite tract is one that appears to be a folded $5 bill, but when you open it up it says, "Disappointed? You'll never be disappointed with Jesus!" Wow, this fun and delightful tract causes the server to immediately fall to his/her knees and make a confession of faith, because some Christian went the extra mile to buy that 25 cent tract, carry it to the restaurant, and leave it on the table instead of a gratuity. We should each buy a case of those tracts and leave them (instead of a tip) at every restaurant we patronize, because I know how the servers respond to such a display of Christian love. And besides, they are getting paid to do this job, right? They're making an entire $8.00 an hour, so they certainly don't need any tip. What they NEED is a religious tract. Yeah. That's just what they need.

My friend Diane says if you're going to bow your head to pray over a meal in a restaurant, you'd better be prepared to leave a 20% tip. Because, she says, you have called attention to the fact that you serve God, and you must not shame Him by being cheap with the gratuity. Servers are watching for real Christian behavior. They don't see much of it.

PART II
You probably know this, but it's true that Mother's Day is the busiest day in the restaurant biz. The only people who DON'T go out to dinner on that day are restaurant people, because we know better.

At Marie's, our Mother's Day was great...busy, happy, wonderful food. Just one teeny fly in the ointment: we had a "customer incident", which is restauranteze for "Dang, someone got hurt; do you think they'll sue?" Here's what happened.

A sweet old lady in a wheelchair came in for our brunch, straight from church. She was wearing her Sunday-go-to-meetin' clothes and her lovely old cross brooch. Now, when I say old lady, visualize Methuselah's mom. She had filo dough skin, you know? like, so thin you can see bones and stuff through it. And her arms were covered with red and purple bruising as though she'd come to California by way of Katrina. Anyway, when she was coming out of the bathroom stall, she scraped the back of her hand, and it just removed that filo dough skin like peeling away a layer of onion. Not much bleeding, but it was really sore, and she was, naturally, upset. Me, too. I dropped to my knees by her chair, bandaged her hand, hugged and patted her. I repeatedly apologized and reassured her. I asked her if I could pray for her, which she gladly accepted. (later, I would be accused of having "an attitude")

Her daughter and son, those good moral Christian people, seeing this as an opportunity to make some money, never once showed her concern or compassion, but instead started threatening me, and accusing me of "inconsideration" because she had injured her hand.

Let me just say this in my defense: I did not wake up Sunday morning and say to myself, "Hmm. I wonder how I can show inconsideration today. I know! I'll ambush the bathroom stalls so some pathetic old lady will scrape the hide off her hand! Yes, that's just what I'll do. Mwah ha ha!" then I twirled my handlebar mustache.

Oh, they'll sue for sure. You know they have some slick ADA lawyer on speed dial just for occasions like this. Poor mom. She's being beat up far worse by her obnoxious children that she was by our inconsiderate bathroom stall. I wish I had a nice tract to give them.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Just in case...

...in case you were one of the 3 people still following my posts about Uncle Alvin's trip, here's the update. He got here, and he got home. blah blah blah. I got so tired of his dismal reaction to all things California, I just couldn't face typing another post.

The rest of his story is truly tragic. Uncle Alvin was pastoring a small Lutheran congregation in Minnesota as he finished his seminary education. On the day of his graduation, he was at a school picnic, and drowned. My mother-in-law was just a teenager, and had lost her mother only a few years earlier. It's amazing to me what a sunny, delightful person my m/i/l was, having come from such a family of sad, sad people.

I have copies of all Uncle Alvin's sermons. I promise I won't post any of them.

The Brilliant Mrs Lopez!

Krista earned her Master's Degree from the School of Education, Point Loma Nazarene University. We couldn't be prouder!

Looky looky

Sarah and the guys gave me a birdbath for Mother's Day/birthday. It looks so sweet in my flower bed. The birds are enjoying it, too!

This is what Bethany gave me. She put a journal subject on every other page. Like, "Write out the words of your favorite praise song" and "Tell me a memory from your wedding day". She is pretty amazing, isn't she?
UPDATE: OK, no photo. It's a Moleskine notebook. Am I cool or what?

Thank you, beloved family! You are the best gifts of all!

Go Go Gadget ... gone

I'm unable to Twitter. I am the Queen of Newfangled Toys, so you can imagine how much this bugs me. I've done everything they ask me to do, but it simply doesn't work. On the other hand, it worked for about 2 days, and I seriously considering throwing my phone out the window on the 215.

Maybe this is better.

And we're back.

I knew I'd been gone for awhile. Frankly, Uncle Alvin's posts threw me into a chasm of depression; the man honestly didn't like ANYTHING! But I had no idea it'd been an entire month since I blogged. Well, I'm back with a few end-of-season wrap ups. I have mentioned before that I am a reality TV junkie, and life has been full. Shall we begin?

1. America's Next Top Model...yeah, they were all obnoxious, but at least Whitney had a voice that didn't cause me to emit continuous uncontrolled erk erk noises. My goal in life is to be as "plus sized" as she is!

2. Beauty and the Geek...yay, Tom! He wasn't nearly as dweebful as most have been, but the plethora of argyle sweater vests surely gave him nerd status. By the way, I think the use of the word "plethora" put me right there with him.

3. Survivor...sorry; dozed off. The good news? Since she's already been on two seasons, Parvati probably won't be back again. Please.

Finales still to come:
Top Chef...yeah, I don't cook. At all. And I really don't like most foods. But it's just cool to watch them design and plate those weird combinations. And the head judge, Tom Colicchio? Totally cool bald guy.

American Idol...David is a sweetie and hugely talented. David, on the other hand, is a sweetie and hugely talented. I voted last year (for Blake) and I'll probably vote again this year. For David.
**does anybody else out there keep calling that one guy "David C. Cook"?

Step It Up and Dance...wow, Jessie Spano looks GOOD, friends and neighbors. Except, of course, for those creepy bulgy Pomeranian eyes. In one episode, she started to cry and I was seriously concerned that one might pop right out and get stuck in her cleavage. Oh, and there are dancers, too.

The 2008 Presidential Primaries...great fun. I'll be voting for Blake again.

Coming Attractions:
So You Think You Can Dance...(starts in 6 days and 15 minutes) I can't wait to see if Sex comes to the auditions again. He's just beyond erk erk-ness. I'd like it better if Mary never screamed again, but I've got a pretty fast mute button finger. Does anyone know if we have run out of Schwimmers yet?

Project Runway...(starts in July) They've had to dress dogs, Barbie dolls, prom queens, lady wrestlers, Miss America contestants, and moms. Who's next? I'll be watching.

Summer Olympics...(starts in 83 days) We will be spending the first week of the summer Olympics on the Disney Magic, floating around the Mexican Rivera. I can't wait to see what the Diz folks will do to celebrate the Olympics! Goofy in his basketball jersey, Minnie on the balance beam, Cap'n Jack's synchonized swimming routine...I will report in full.

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