Thanks, Kimberly. This is hilarious!

Here are the winning entries to the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
__________

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common
words. And the winners are:

1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.

2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.

6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.

8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavoured mouthwash.

9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.

11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.

12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing
adopted by proctologists.

13. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation
with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death,
the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer
shorts worn by Jewish men

Enchanting Enchanted

A lovely, silly PG-rated film. I went with Bethany, and we laughed out loud. A lot. Then we stayed for the very last of the credits to see who did the music...and walked out singing a few of the songs by Alan Menkin (Little Mermaid, Beauty & the Beast, Aladdin) and Stephen Schwartz (Prince of Egypt, Pocahontas, Godspell, Wicked). A few days later I took my grandkids, and even the 5-year-olds were enthralled. So were Sarah and Bill. The adults especially got a kick out of the hidden Disney allusions throughout the movie...not to mention Wicked, Rent, and Hairspray, the stars of which were in the film. I'm actually surprised there wasn't a poster for Grey's Anatomy plastered on the side of a bus!

Now, I must say there was another rodent (a chipmonk this time) in another restaurant, so I did have a brief "Bleh" moment. Apparently the fine people at Disney approve of, perhaps even encourage, vermin in their kitchens, so I guess I'll just have to let it go.

But you won't see me in line for the Blue Bayou.

Enjoy this little game...

This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't.

1. While sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

I told you so! And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.

Thanksgiving Prayer Answered

Thank You, Jesus, for Little Peanut's "all clear" report

Eat More Pie

Happy Thanksgiving from the crew at Marie's!

A Different Kind of Green

Trav got his apron. Now Patti has her apron. Can Dan be far behind?

Before she started teaching, Daughter Number Two did the *bux thing. We had fun with that. Come on; play along:

To all the world, she was Krista the Barista. To Sarah and Bethany she was Sista Krista the Barista. Had she worked at a Bux in south San Diego county, she'd be Sista Krista the Chula Vista Barista. Now she's married. That would make Ryan Sista Krista the Chula Vista Barista's Mista.

I'm sure you get the gista. I really can't resista chance to share my lista the names of our own personal barista.

OK. I'm done.

Can you solve this problem?

1 lo-flow toilet
+ 2 little boys with busy alimentary tracts
+ 3 or more squares of t.p.
= ...um... I'll spare you the details

I know we're supposed to be all green and ecological-y, but honestly, can't I have an environment-friendly toilet that can handle a 5-year-old's itty-bitty creation without flooding the entire bathroom? I'd be willing to buy a new one. Any suggestions?

By the way, apparently, I am the only one in this family who has a good working relationship with the lowly plunger.

Ronco Bible

I've probably told you about my invention, the Ronco Bible. It comes with Wite-Out and a Sharpee, so you can eliminate the parts that pinch a bit, as well as add scriptures you might like to see. For example, you could erase the entire book of James, because, come on...ouch, right? Or if there's a section you really really like, you could put it in a few extra times, like setting your Ipod on repeat so you can listen to JT bringing sexy back over and over and over. And you might want to add a few promises to your Ronco Bible. Like, "And lo, ye shall come forth from thy multi-million ducet dwelling, and ye shall rideth in thy Mercedes from wence thy tunes floweth forth from thy Bose sound system". You can just see how really handy such a versatile Bible would be. Of course, we couldn't call it the Word of God. Maybe the Word of Larry.

Turns out, we just purchased a Bible which was apparently designed by the good folks at Ronco. If you look carefully at the photo, you'll notice that I John is just moving right along when all of a sudden --BAM!-- there's Luke again, popping in to say hello. So once again, my invention has already been invented. On the other hand, this is the very Bible C-Monkey carried in the wedding this summer. . . could be he dropped it once too often, stood on it a few times too many, kicked it down the stairs overly much, and the pages just shifted around a bit. Now we have a Bible with 87 books. Kewl!

Done and done!

The pie sale is over for another 4 months. Of course, Thanksgiving is just around the corner (it feels early this year...check your calendars and start getting ready), so there are lots more pies to sell, but the count for the October 2007 Fall Pie Sale for just the Redlands location was...


...20,000!


By the way, if you've never enjoyed a slice of this little gem (double cream blueberry), you are in for a taste treat of uber-deliciousness. Just a word to the wise.