Your Final Christmas Card.

Twas the day after Christmas, and out on the grass
The doggies were happy, and saying, “At last
The master is washing the last load of dishes
And scraping together my best Christmas wishes.
The leftover meatballs and prime rib smell yummy
And soon will be making their way to my tummy!
I spied one last biscuit – or was it a roll? –
No matter, as long as it lands in my bowl.
If I could get hold of that See’s Candy box it
Would be a delight! But, alas, it is toxic.
No matter; the pan drippings make for a stew
That slides down like buttah; I don’t even chew.
There’s a bite of a pickle, a smidgeon of peas.
Potatoes au gratin with cheese! Oh, the cheese!
And to finish it off, on the bottom there lies
A bit of whipped cream and a sliver of pie.
Yesterday’s kibble was nice, I must say
But nothing compares to the feast of today.”

Aren't you glad it's not your Christmas gift!

I have some friends at work who are my age, and we suffer from the same Oldish Lady Symptoms. We all wake up in the wee wee hours (my choice of words will indicate what it is which typically awakens us Oldish Ladies) and can't get back to sleep. So we compared notes on what was the dumbest thing we ever bought on HSN or QVC in the dead of night, when they put on the junk only sleep-deprived Oldish Ladies will buy. Friend Pam won: a Singing Bathroom Santa. Nice.

On a completely different note, I've been tracking a purchase I recently made. (Just for clarification, I was almost entirely awake, so it's not by any means an impulse purchase. I really really need this. In fact, I apparently need two of them. Never mind what it is.) Anyway, I check the USPS site daily to watch the progress of this item. I ordered it on December 14, on which day it shipped from Reno NV to my home in Southern California. Let's accompany my little purchase on it's Christmas journey, shall we?

Dec 15: 2:20 AM Pickup RENO, NV
Dec 16: 2:20 AM Sort Center Arrival SACRAMENTO, CA
Dec 17: 9:29 AM Sort Center Departure SACRAMENTO, CA
Dec 17: 3:58 PM Sort Center Arrival LOS ANGELES, CA
Dec 21: 8:07 AM Sort Center Departure NEW BERLIN, WI

Reno to Riverside via Wisconsin. That's governmental efficiency in practice. I'll let you know if it ever arrives. And if it's as marvelous in actual use as it is on tv, I might even tell you what it is. And what song he sings.

Yippee!

I won a blog contest! Yep! My fabulous prize: an itunes gift card. I'll be downloading some John Williams in anticipation of the new Indiana Jones movie. And some John Denver. And some Elton John. Since all my downloads are JOHN-themed I'm thinking of picking up one of these gadgets. I wonder if I can get one that comes with bright purple toilet paper...

You say it's Your birthday...

I'd celebrate The First Christmas like this...but I'd be spending New Year's Eve in traction.

Poly Pride in the Privy

Need a last minute gift for Dear Aunt Clemintine? Looking for a little something for your hard-to-shop-for boss? Baffled by the desire to buy something unusual for your neighbor who has absolutely everything? Ladies and gentlemen I present for your viewing and shopping enjoyment:


Black toilet paper. Also available in bright green and deep orange (Go, Bears) Now, let's not get into a discussion about the inherent problems attached to this item, like how, during the ascribed use of said product, do you know that you're no longer in need of it. It's Christmas, and I just wanted to provide you with a little shopping help.

My work here is done.

Christmas Table Ideas

I would set the table today and take a photo for blogging, but honestly, who wants to dust the Christmas dishes for a week? And who wants to eat off dishes that have required dusting? So maybe I'll take a picture on Christmas...

meanwhile, I have the most beautiful Christmas dishes ever, which I will use with red placemats & linen napkins. A votive candle at every place; a small wrapped present on each plate...maybe a little bag of nokos, (thanks, Payton!) And I have a little tumbling Santa set which has been part of our Christmases for 35 years. So I'll find a place for him.

Share Your Christmas Menus!

What're your Christmas Eve, Christmas morning, and Christmas day menus? I'm thinking...

Christmas Eve: Taco Station tamales with rice, beans and corn cakes, green salad; iced tea or coffee; lemon meringue pie

Christmas morning: one of those yummy make-it-the-night-before baked eggy cassseroles, Sin-a-Buns, fake Mimosas, hot apple cider, coco, coffee...I'm sure my kids will HAVE to make a *$ run!

Christmas dinner: raw veg plate; prime rib roast (so easy and good, and WOW the house smells A-mazing); au graten potatoes for my new son-in-law; broccoli salad in memory of my mo-in-law; grandson-generated fruit salad as posted earlier; yeasty rolls; a couple of Marie's best pies...including that beautiful cherry cream cheese beauty; iced tea, coffee, and sparkling cider.

Coming tomorrow... special table setting ideas. Get ready to share again.

My Early Christmas Gift

Our Christmas program was presented this weekend. It was a play about a couple of angels who are struggling to understand why God would give up heaven and be born as a human baby. Very fun and silly, with amazing music. And then there were the dancers...

Our dancers are always wonderful. Mariel Coe is a gifted choreographer. Becky, Cindy, Jennifer, Hanni -- all talented, graceful. And there was a child with them, a beautiful little girl with long, curly blond hair. I'd never seen her before. She began to dance around the manger, and I began to weep. It was as though my own little Baylee, gone almost five years, was dancing on that stage. And I was reminded of what Robbie, then three years old, said about his lost sister: "She's dancing with Jesus now".

Thank you, Lord, for a picture of my precious granddaughter, now with You, now dancing in celebration of Your Son. No Christmas gift will ever match it.

Ugh.

The former winner of the Most Disgusting Commercial Ever trophy, Carl's Jr, has been replace by D & G Watches. If you see the beginning of a TV ad with a lovely man and a lovely woman each frantically checking their (quite expensive) watches and trying to grab a cab, obviously in a great hurry to meet up with their respective dearly beloveds, DO NOT HESITATE. Turn the channel. Or hit the off button. Or throw a fruit cake through the screen. Trust me; you'll be happier not seeing the remainder of this commercial.

A Fail Safe Recipe from The UnCook

Here's an easy fruit salad recipe we used to make for Girl Scout camping trips. I'm going to have the boys make it for Christmas dinner.

1 can fruit cocktail, drained; reserve the liquid
1 box instant banana pudding mix
1 container Cool Whip, softened
1 pkg mini marshmellows
1 banana, cut into slices (and any other fruit you want to add; banana-cutting is kid friendly because you don't need a sharp knife)

Mix the banana pudding with the juice from the fruit cocktail. Blend in the Cool Whip. Stir everything else into the pudding, and mix it up well til everything gets nicely covered. Keep it in the fridge til dinner.

It's pretty in a glass bowl, especially if you add more cherries or red grapes.
I suppose you could also add coconut if you really felt you MUST.

Wha....?

Robbs and Cameron attend a wonderful school with dedicated teachers who spend countless hours trying to instill grammar, math, science and social studies into the minds of the children. They are supported by a hard-working PTO which generally does much good for the school with fund raising and various programs. This time of year, the PTO provides a little store where the children can purchase inexpensive gifts. It's in a classroom all decked out for shopping, with a big banner in the window that reads "KID'S KORNER HOLIDAY SHOPPE"

Really? The cutesy Londonesque allusion is one thing; maybe they want the children to embrace our Dickensonian roots. But what about the blatantly misspelled word? These poor kids are now doomed to listen to Korn while they dine at Kountry Kitchen and shop at Toys R Us.

Who thought this was a good idea?

And the winner is...

...me! Sarah and Bill are going to the hockey game, so I get both boyos tonight. In my house there will be one cutie patooty boy in jammies on each red couch, wrapped in their new fuzzy Christmas blankets, watching Santa Claus is Coming to Town. I am a happy Grammie.

Seven months and counting...